Hustle or Align? Time to be in the Flow.

Yesterday, Thursday, was an extremely busy day for me. I started work very early.  I then came home to eat and work on some biz related tasks. Then off to spend time with an adorable puppy before taking care of some important business, then back to work.

The day ended up being more hectic than planned, which happens, but I just went with it. By the time I returned home for a quick dinner and conference call, I was ready to rest. This was a child-free night for me and I planned to go Salsa dancing that evening after the conference call. Then something interesting happened.

I fixed myself a pot of tea, dialed into the conference call, put on my headset, and put myself on mute so that I could finish my dinner. I said a few words and decided to lay down and relax during the rest of the call. Next thing I remember is I looked at the phone, saw that the conference call had ended and I was still on the line. I looked at my dishes and full tea pot, hung up the phone, and realized I fell asleep.

I felt tremendously embarrassed as I do not know if anyone asked me any questions or if the conversation just flowed and no one noticed. One participant text me and I disclosed I fell asleep. The person let me know that it happens sometimes. Out of frustration I laid my head on the pillow awaiting the next scheduled conversation, while I also wondered if I should initiate an apology to the other participants. Guess what, I fell back to sleep and woke up another hour later. Well, there went the other conversation and dancing. I looked at my dinner plate and bowl, pushed them off to the side and went back to sleep for the night.

I woke up in the morning and realized I was exhausted. I had been pushing myself the last couple weeks in order to make an upcoming deadline. Everything reached me last night and I just fell out from exhaustion. This wasn’t the first time.

This morning I called a staff meeting with me, myself, and I while still in bed. I laid there staring at the wall, thinking to myself, “There has to be another way!” There is.

I’ve been seeing more and more posts about trading in “hustle” with “alignment.” I grew up with hustle. I’ve seen it in life and business. It’s how I managed to get through college, and then get a Master’s Degree. GO, GO, GO!!! Well, I literally cannot do that anymore. Rather than lay down and sleep for the rest of my life, which is tempting (especially on an exotic island), I’ve made a firm decision. To live from flow.

Well, what does that mean exactly, being in alignment, living from flow? I wish I had the answers. I spent 20 years studying metaphysics. I’ve read a lot of Abraham-Hicks materials and I’ve watched plenty of videos. For whatever reason what I experienced in my upbringing seems to take over and up until now, I continued to jump into the hustle, or the “grind” of doing and over-doing.

Now I’m making a conscious decision to change those patterns. This morning I decided to not “go to work,” and instead I laid in bed a little longer. All I could think about is how I “need” the money. Since I do not get paid time off, I thought about how staying home this morning is not wise. Well neither is running myself into the ground so to speak, and possibly getting sick.

My first step in shifting from hustle to alignment is choosing to rest. I’m up now, clearly writing, which is a huge passion of mine. I’ll work on my tea business, Tara’s Teas, plus my new podcast Tea Talks with Tara. I do plan on working later, fortunately I can do that. Until then I’ll engage in some radical self-care, eat a good breakfast, rest, and continue to work on my business. The goal is to get my business to a sustainable level so that I can take more time for me and what I desire. This will make me a more effective person and mother.

When I reflect on that Thursday,  what sticks out the most to me in my day was the lessons I learned from this cute little puppy. It was warm out and I decided to sit on a bench while she played. I held her leash so that she wouldn’t get to far, but instead of playing, she walked over to me, jumped on my lap, held her head up high, and sat there. I looked at her, took a few pictures, and then a few breaths. I realized, it’s moments like this that I cherish most, quiet times doing what I want, what feeds my soul.

I’m so grateful for this little puppy for teaching me what’s truly important in life, soaking up the moment. I’m grateful that exhaustion taught me to slow down, I’m more important, that the money will come. I’m grateful for the self awareness to remember an image I saw on Facebook several months ago that’s now acting as a catalyst for change. I’m grateful that I now am shifting from hustle to alignment, and I cannot wait for the ride.

How are you aligning with what you truly desire?

Thank you for reading.

Blessings!

 

Photo credit: Vanessa Michele Blog

Single and Dating, Well Maybe

Okay, this week I’ve been thinking about this notion of love and relationships. I thought the following just yesterday. I’ll take your “Friend Category Man,” you can keep your bad boys. Give me the man I can sit in a cafe with, curl up and read a good book together with. A man who I can meet in a bookstore and enjoy intellectual dialogue combined with talking ish over a nice dinner. A good man I can hike with, camp with, go skiing, or even to a Caribbean island and relax with. Someone who will be my greatest friend and lover, as I’ll absolutely be his.

As I contemplate the online dating world again, I think of how I’ll describe myself . Secretly I desire to just meet him out and about, in a natural environment. As I add more years to my life, I let go of the idea of being in a relationship. I definitely can’t stand this idea of dating. Never did like it.

Today as I was sitting in my favorite cafe, typing away while swaying to good Latin music, I see a man watching me. Or maybe the art behind me. I then hear a male voice say something about me being engrossed in writing. “What, are you writing, a book or something?” I look up and see him. Tall, glasses, that beautiful geeky look that I just adore. I feel nervous, ready to play “shy girl,” say something awkward, and put my face in the computer. Instead I look up, smile and engage with him. We talk as he waits for his mocha. We talk about the writer’s life, about Afro-futurism, Octavia Butler, and having the discipline to sit and write. We say a few things about family. I see no ring and wonder if he’s single.

He gets his drink, stands, and I say “What’s your name?” I repeat his name, and as he starts to ask mine I say, “Mine is Tara.” He sticks out his hand, and I nervously say, “My hands are sticky,” as I shake his hand. I’m sure he saw me nervously playing with my hair, still wet from styling it just about an hour before. He says, “Well maybe I’ll see you again here sometime, I come here often.” I wanted to say, how about you take my number and we see each other again. But the words didn’t come out my mouth.

I’m actually very private about my dating life, only mentioning brief moments of flirtation. I like to keep it that way.

Journey from shy to flirtation to actual dating is interesting. I said I was ready so we’ll see.

Thank you for reading!
Blessings!

Image from https://www.pinterest.com/pin/431290101794369151/ and picsymag.com, which doesn’t seem to exist anymore.